Moustache, the ultimate symbol of refined masculinity. Possessed by the manliest men (and manliest of women for that matter), the moustache is more civilized and cultivated than the slovenly, caveman-ish beard.
As a man that does not come from a very hirsute linneage, I am envious of anyone that is capable of growing a full, robust moustache. We’re talking full blown soup-strainer envy here. If my father is any indication, at some distant point in the future I will be able to grow a glorious, full blown crumb catcher. But until that time, all I can do is sit and wait and hope and dream and imagine the moustache I will eventually possess and focus on my moustache role models. Whose moustache’s are worthy of emulation? Find out after the break.
Clarke freaking Gable. One dapper sonuvabitch. Airforce bomber gunner, movie star, moustache-haver extrodinare. Not only did he not give a damn about Scarlett, he also worked along side some of the most manliest of Hollywood men between 1923 and 1960. Dude had more wives than most Saudi sheiks. Sure he didn’t always rock the ‘stache, but when he did, whoa momma! Total bangarang dude.
Tom Selleck, the only man in human history to make a Detroit Tigers hat look DOUBLEAWESOME. Seriously, Thomas Magnum is the baddest mamma jamma to come out of Hawaii since Steve McGarrett (if Jack Lord had a moustache he’d totally be on this list). Colt .45 automatic, Ferrari 308, awesome moustache, how is this man not worthy of emulation?
Billy Dee! Billy Dee! Billy Dee! The only soul brother in the Star Wars universe (until Samuel L. came into the crappy prequels). Spoon full of blaster and a Colt .45 (it works every time). His ‘stache? DOUBLEAWESOME. So doubleawesome we’ll forget the fact that he sold out Han to that bounty hunter.
Giorgio Moroder. The man that made Donna Summers’ Love to Love You and I Feel Love icons of the disco era. RESPECT THE STACHE!
How do you make Admiral William Adam, who is a double plus baddass in his own right, even more of a baddass? ADD A FREAKING MOUSTACHE! Edward James Olmos + facial hair = GALACTIC SUPER PIMP.
Last, but certainly not least, BURT REYNOLDS. Is there a more iconic ‘stache haver? Not on your life! I can’t even begin to explain the massive levels of testosterone that is exuded by Burt’s über-stache. Just watch Smokey and the Bandit, or The Cannonball Run, or Stroker Ace and you will be witness to the awesome power wielded by Burt’s upper lip. Am I alone in wishing that Burt’s ‘stache recieved it’s own billing above the title in his films? I bet not.
And finally? Some words of wisdom from Less Than Jake. Aye-yaey-yaey-yaey, Cinco de Moustache!